August 10, 1997

Had a really nice morning with M.  Easier now, not so congested feeling.  It helps that I didn’t see him all day yesterday, so today when I saw him, we drank tea and had much to talk about.  He even made a delicious breakfast of eggs and bacon.  

Yesterday, while out with T., after the movie, everybody was standing around talking about how good it was.  I could not help but trying to get a better look and understand who this one man was.  He was very tall and wore light colored clothes, not like everyone’s dark, night time clothes.  His hair was also light and he had a trimmed beard.  He looked so familiar, at first I thought he was the lead actor in the movie, not unrealistic because it was made our town.  He smiled once and I thought for sure it was the same guy.  I told T. and he went to go ask him and he wasn’t.  

I have been so wrong so many times lately.  Every time I am sure of something, in no less than one minute I’m smashedly proven wrong.  So what am I to do now.  Stop thinking, quit interjecting my opinions, I don’t know, but its embarrassing for me and disastrous for my reputation.  I’d rather be known as a tasteful offerer of poignant suggestions and opinions given lightly not often, but when said have sting because I’m right.  Not  this blurting out of absolutes and assurance only to have it blasted away into your WRONG. Can’t have sting if the bee is killed first.  So, I guess I should be a butterfly?  I don’t know, but it’s making me question my intuition, especially about M.  Is there really anything there, or is it just my hyperactive brain patchworking.  I guess ultimately you can’t sleep under the quilt until it’s made.  So, I wait and see, butterfly and be or continue with stupid since I’m doing that so well already.